May 21, 2011

More Trans on TV -- Chaz Bono

I'm sorry it's taken so long for a new post! Life has been hectic, and I haven't had time to sit down and write out stuff more than "Blaaaaaaaaaaaah." (That's what the title of this draft was when I first had the idea for the post >.< )

The Boyfriend is planning on filling everyone in on what's been going on with the move, His family, etc. once we get settled back in Dallas. So this is just a little filler post that outlines the interview of Chaz Bono on The Late Show with David Letterman and his episode on the OWN network. Forgive me if I meld the two together -- my brain is mushy at the moment. They're both worth watching if you have the time!

If you don't know, Chaz Bono is the son of Sonny and Cher, born as Chastity Bono.

After our semi-nightly watching of Two and a Half Men, The Boyfriend and I usually leave the TV on through The Late Show with David Letterman just for noise. I like the show, but it's not something I will consistently tune in to. This time, however, someone I had been hoping to do more research on was speaking! The Boyfriend and I decided it would be interesting to watch, especially since we were planning on watching is documentary episode on the OWN Network later.

I'll admit, I didn't have too much faith in David Letterman to understand or take transsexuality very well because he's... well... old. I don't mean that to bash the older generations! But since The Boyfriend came out, it's mainly the older people we talk to about it that don't understand, refuse to listen, or haven't heard of it before. Granted, we've met a lot of kind and understanding adults and older people, but the majority of those who don't get it (in our experience) have been around David Letterman's age. Even Chaz mentioned in the OWN episode that the youngest person in his family was the first to understand and accept him being a man.

Chaz started out the interview with Letterman by explaining the difference between gender and sexuality. I really liked the way he put it, "Sexuality is how you feel about other people, it's about them. Gender is how you feel about you, it's only about you." It makes it a little easier to understand in my mind. Since the LGBT community sticks together a lot, people seem to think that gender identity has something to do with your sexuality. It also doesn't help that when transgender people who previously identified as heterosexual come out and say they're homosexual (or other variations of this). What they're attracted to hasn't changed, just what it's called. A person born a girl who likes boys is considered straight. So if that girl decides she should actually be a he, he would be considered gay for liking boys. The name of his sexual orientation has changed, but not who he is attracted to. This can obviously be confusing for people who have never heard of this before... It confused me at first too!

As I predicted, David Letterman indeed needed awhile to understand but eventually took it well. The audience clapped for him! What sent him over the edge was Chaz mentioning the fact that his girlfriend is bisexual.

Uh oh.

To quote Letterman, "Bisexual?? Oh, God. What next??"

I got a good laugh out of it. I guess my orientation is a little too much for him to get. No worries, Letterman. One day I'll be on your show and fix that!

Anyway, I really want to commend Chaz for coming out as transgender and going through his transition with the media spotlighting him the entire time. It's hard for any trans person to come out to family and friends (as I've noticed with The Boyfriend and other friends), but I also can't imagine doing this while millions of people watched and criticized you. It takes a lot of courage to do what he did and what other people go through every single day... I really do admire each and every one of you that have gone through this.

It did upset me when they were showing some news articles and TV news anchors (on the OWN episode, I think) talking about Chaz near the beginning of his transition. The Boyfriend and I continued to wince whenever "she" or "she is choosing to become a man!" was spoken. I do understand that there is a lot of ignorance and misunderstanding about the transgender community in the media, but that didn't make it less hurtful for Chaz to hear.

Back on The Late Show, Letterman did mention that he got a lot of heat after they did a skit on his show (months/years ago?) having to do with the transgender population because he messed up pronouns or something similar. I couldn't find anything on Google, so I don't know what they were talking about. If anyone would mind explaining (or linking me to it), I would appreciate it very much! From what I gathered, Letterman didn't mean any harm by the skit. He wanted to apologize for anyone who took it offensively.

Chaz and Letterman also discussed Renée Richards -- a transgender athlete. Hers was an interesting story to read about, although on this show they talked about it like Richards went through the transition to be better at the sport instead of actually feeling she was a woman. I hadn't ever heard of her (neither of us are sports people), so if anyone wants to chime in with their knowledge on the subject, feel free!

It doesn't make sense to me why someone would fake this, though... Why would you want to go through the hate, ignorance, and uncertainty of transitioning if it wasn't completely necessary? I don't understand.

Later on the OWN show with Chaz and his girlfriend, he talks about how Cher didn't take this transition well at first. She was terrified of losing her child or her child possibly being hurt. She didn't want to have any contact or see Chaz go through this, afraid of what would happen. I think Cher's reaction is understandable to a point... Thinking you're losing your child and being scared for their safety is reasonable. I just don't get it when she says, "Well, I didn't know what hormones would do. I didn't know what transgender meant. So I didn't want any part of it." (That's paraphrased from what I remember of her interview.)

...Why don't you go and find out? Why don't you go with your child to the doctor and ask questions? Why don't you ask your child questions? Why don't you go to your child's therapist (or another counselor) and try to understand it? Instead you... cut him off?

It's scary, yeah. But the scary parts, the uncertainty, and the questions don't go away on their own. It's something you have to work on and not just push away because it's frightening.

It's true, I've never been in the position of a parent so I can't say exactly what I would have done. But I am in the position of the girlfriend and I know what I'm doing. It's terribly scary to think of The Boyfriend being hurt, or getting called names, or having bad reactions to the hormones and all of that... It's scary to the point where sometimes I just want to run away with Him and never look back. It's scary to think that I physically can't do anything to help...

I can't beat someone up if they come after The Boyfriend. I can't predict what the hormones are going to do even if we have a pretty good idea. I can just... sit here. And say supportive things. And hug Him. That's all.

This really sucks sometimes.

But even through all the scary stuff and the questions, I couldn't imagine just running away from Him because I don't get it or because of something that might happen. I will go to the doctors with him, I will go with Him to counseling if He needs me to, I will go to support groups, I will do anything to better understand and better help Him through this transition. So it doesn't make sense to me for parents, family members, or even friends not to do the same... I don't want to judge, but I don't get it. And I don't think I ever will.

Luckily, Cher seems to be coming around to Chaz and the idea of him being a man. When she was on The Late Show a few months ago, she even used the right pronouns a few times! That surprised Chaz but made him really happy.

Chaz also talked about one of The Boyfriend's big fears.

Guy's bathrooms. Bum bum buuuuum...

But seriously, ever since the assault of a transwoman in a McDonald's, He has been scared of going into the men's room -- with good reason. Chaz said he was worried about the same thing, especially since he would just go into a stall instead of using the urinal. The Boyfriend always thought, "Dude, they're going to know it's weird if I just wait for the stall. What are they going to think? Are they going to ask?"

In Chaz's own words, "Guys don't care." I grinned over at The Boyfriend, poking Him in the shoulder. I could tell that He relaxed a bit when some of His worst fears were mentioned... I don't think He's gone to the men's room still, but at least He knows it might not be as bad as He thinks.

To all of my men readers, is this true? Do guys generally not care?

One last thing on the OWN documentary episode I wanted to mention were the blatant stereotypes the media supported while following Chaz's story. The show had brief clips of paparazzi (I spelled that right on the first try, huzzah!) shouting questions at Chaz at the beginning of his transition.

"What do you drink?" Chaz says, "I don't." He's answered with, "What?? You're a man now! Why don't you drink?"

Or my favorite...

"Boxers, briefs or commando??"

...What gives these people the right to ask that type of question? I have never heard that shouted to any other celebrity before. Is it okay now because he's transgender? Why does that make it better and less intrusive or rude? Ugh, ignorance.

Overall, both shows were good to watch and very interesting. The OWN episode was even more enlightening because it showed Chaz interacting with his girlfriend. She came off a little rough at times, but I don't know if that's completely true or just how the show was edited. I want to watch it again to catch things I might have missed and understand their relationship better. The Boyfriend and I also plan on getting Chaz's book in the future! If you see either show, I'd like to know what you think too.

Personal notes~ The Boyfriend and I will be leaving for Texas on the 29th and will arrive (hopefully) on the 31st!

Also, a special thank you to the amazingly kind person on our Facebook page who offered to gift The Boyfriend with a binder. You made Him jump up and down in happiness for days! <3

April 28, 2011

Guest Post #3 - Feeling Attractive or Not...

The Boyfriend has been thinking of writing this for a few weeks now. It's been weighing heavily on His mind...
"One thing that I definitely wasn’t expecting during transitioning was the almost complete loss of self-esteem. I knew gender dysphoria would be, and always was, a problem, but I didn’t forsee for the fact that I would very rarely, if ever, find myself attractive. 
I’ve always had body issues, and have had some problems with an eating disorder in the past few years, but I honestly never considered myself horribly unattractive. As long as I stayed strictly at my goal weight, which was a little more than ten pounds underweight for my height, I could stay pretty happy.
But as far as dressing went, I was always very over the top in how feminine I looked. Casey describes it like I was overcompensating for trying to be a girl. I never liked going out of the house in just jeans a tee shirt (Hell, I barely owned any tee shirts, and the ones I had were used for sleeping), and I wasn’t comfortable unless I was completely done up: Skirts, corsets, four inch heels, padded bras, jewelry, make-up, the whole thing. And I always felt attractive then.
Looking back, I realize that I was dressing like a drag queen more than anything. Or a hooker. But a drag queen makes more sense. 
Now, I’m much more comfortable dressing as a boy, but my style still leans much more toward the feminine side of the spectrum. I want to wear skinny jeans and leather jackets and platform shoes and eyeliner and necklaces, and I know I could wear whatever the hell I want without it making me less of a man, but the fact that all those things make me look even more like a girl makes me completely dysphoric. I won’t be able to wear most of the clothes that I like, while still appearing to be a guy, until I’m on testosterone for at least months. I have no happy medium, because the only way I’m semi-passable is in baggy jeans and loose shirts, but I also feel incredibly ugly in those clothes. 
I took a graphic design class at college this semester, and it was held in a certain part of the building that is only inhabited by graphic design and photography majors – most of whom are in their early twenties and would fit into the “hipster” or “emo” scene category. I can’t explain how incredibly jealous and dysphoric I got when I first went to class, and nearly every boy that walked into the room was dressed exactly how I wish I could be, with no one even having a second thought about whether or not they’re actually male. 
I left my first three classes early, simply for the fact that being around all of them was making me too uncomfortable to stay. It’s the end of the semester now, and I really only sat through three or four classes all the way through. 
I realize not feeling attractive might not seem like a big deal, and you might think I’m being petty for getting upset over that, out of all the things that have to do with transitioning that could be bothering me. But because of the eating disorder I had, I’ve had to work like hell for years, with the help of Casey and some of my closer friends, to try to build up my self-image and get to the point where I can look in the mirror and say I feel beautiful. 
But right when I got to that point, it got pulled out from under me. 
Now I feel like I have to start all over again."
Just know I always find you beautiful, my Love. <3

April 26, 2011

Sensitive Jokes/Editing Jokes

Let's just get it out there that I'm not a good joke-teller... I very much fail at delivering punchlines because I'm either too amused by the joke to say it right or I completely forget it all together.

"Knock, knock... A chair's knocking on your door!! 'Orange' you glad you didn't answer it..??"

Yeah, that right there is a Casey joke.

What I have found is my strong point of making people laugh is interjecting a 'zinger' at the end of what they're saying (which I'm learning to be quite good at), or repeating what they say back to them. Everyone's seen the latter at least once -- "Pssh, stop being such a booger!" "You're the booger, booger!" And this is where I get into trouble... It didn't occur to me before The Boyfriend started transitioning that some of those funny lines we used to go back and forth with might make Him feel horrible.

The simplest (and the only one I can remember at the moment) example would be:

The Boyfriend sees me sniffling at a cute puppy on the TV that spilled on hardwood floor and says, "Oh, stop being such a woman!" I respond without thinking, "You're the woman!"

Now, of course, I would never actually call The Boyfriend a woman. He knows that and I hope the world knows that too. Obviously this is just one of those things we say before thinking, just meaning it as a cute retort... But now saying "You're a woman" takes on a whole new meaning for The Boyfriend. Even though He knew it was a joke when I said it, there was still a brief pause before He stuck His tongue out at me when I saw His expression grow a bit unsure... I felt so awful for saying it even though He knew it wasn't on purpose.

It's like that warning about "your momma" jokes; you never know if that person lost their mom, etc. Be careful of "you're a woman" jokes, because you don't know who's trying to forget they were born that way. I even go back and think back to the years of saying that to friends and acquaintances as jokes... Did I hurt someone else's feelings without knowing? Does someone else feel this way? How do I know without screwing up first? That's just one of the many things I have to be careful with around Him now.

Another little thing I used to say a lot was "pansy." Strangely enough, I got it from The Boyfriend when we first started dating! We would jokingly call each other (or ourselves) pansies for a variety of reasons just to be silly -- never to actually hurt the other person's feelings. I don't think there's been a time when I've called The Boyfriend a pansy since He came out as transgender because I saw how upset He was when He came home from work one day and said that a coworker called Him a "pansy-ass." It was said in such a derogatory way that it made The Boyfriend hold tight to me and ask, "I'm not really a pansy, am I? I'm not a girl?" That's how He relates to the word now, and I'm doing my best not to slip up and use it.

There was one other incident I remember that turned out to hit a nerve neither of us were expecting. I'm sure all of you have heard of the show Glee? Silly question, I know... >.< There's a couple -- Kurt and Blaine, I think? -- that The Boyfriend really likes. Neither of us watch that show, but we both have Tumblrs that are spammed by cute pictures of them whenever they do something adorable. Anyway... I was trying to call The Boyfriend romantic and sweet one day, so I decided to use the name of one of the characters who sang "Teenage Dream" to the other.

Me: "Hi, Kurt!!"
The Boyfriend: "..."

Little did I know the character I was trying to talk about is named Blaine. I just likened The Boyfriend to the very flamboyant (sometimes girly) character who was serenaded. It's not that He doesn't like Kurt (or flamboyant gay men), but The Boyfriend is sometimes insecure about being the more effeminate type of boy. I talked about it a lot in this post, if you're unsure of what that means! He's always afraid of being seen as "too girly" or "too feminine" and my mixup just brought all of that to the surface.

You can cross Glee references off my list of things to talk about...

I'm not upset about having to edit what I say sometimes, because I want The Boyfriend to get more comfortable with Himself. I understand His reasons for getting upset, and I'm just glad He understands that nothing I joke about (or that most other people will joke about) is meant to actually offend Him.

There's just some things you have to keep in mind when talking to certain people, you know?

Disclaimer: This isn't meant to say you're a bad person if you've ever said those jokes, just that The Boyfriend is uncomfortable having them used towards Him. :)

April 14, 2011

Binders -- Be Safe!

I'm postponing my planned post about offensive jokes, because of some troubling new occurrences having to do with The Boyfriend's health.

A few days ago, The Boyfriend suddenly started experiencing pain on one of His upper ribs. It started off sharp and jolting whenever He would breathe or laugh, and it slowly became just a dull ache that increased during anything besides tight, shallow breathing. Obviously, none of this was good. There wasn't any bruising or visible marks to suggest that He had been hit, and nothing He has done at work or home the past few weeks would have equaled the pain He was in right then. He didn't have a cough, fever, or any other "sickly" things.

At first, we thought it was a... something that started with a "p" (a very complicated thing) that explained the symptoms -- a short muscle spasm that comes and goes without warning. Just take some muscle relaxers/pain-killers and it should go away shortly.

That didn't work...

He then went to His childhood doctor for a check-up, and the doctor concluded that it had something to do with the bone itself instead of the muscle surrounding it. Because He didn't have the equipment to check the bone, he sent The Boyfriend to the local hospital for x-rays.

Okay, I'll admit, I was completely flipping out at this point. A friend and I accompanied The Boyfriend to the hospital and waited for the tests to be over. We were really afraid that He might have broken a rib, cracked something, or just seriously whacked out some alignment. This is when The Boyfriend started asking me if I thought His compression bra (that I mentioned in the previous post) could have contributed to the pain.

Still believing it might be broken or fractured, I shook my head. How could a bra do damage like that? I mean, everyone I know that wears a bra has had days when the thing feels too tight so your back/shoulders/front get a little sore, but that's all... I haven't heard of anyone breaking something from bras.

The next day, His test results came back and nothing was broken (thank goodness!), but that left us with quite a mystery. What was making Him hurt so bad? The Boyfriend asked the doctor who checked the x-rays if it could have been His "really tight sports bra" that messed something up, and he said it was a good possibility. Since nothing else fit the bill except the compression bra, the doctor said to not wear it for a week or two to see if that helps. The Boyfriend is really upset that He won't be able to bind until it gets better, but He understands the importance of this. Right now He's just wearing a large sweatshirt at work and undershirts to cover everything while not at work.

The Boyfriend did a lot of research last night to see if transmen have been injured while binding, and there was such an overwhelming number of boys that had videos or blog posts about it that we were completely blown away. That only confirmed His suspicions that it was the compression bra...

What made me sad is that so many of those boys don't go to the doctor until something is seriously wrong or they just don't ever go at all. One could barely speak or breathe because it hurt too much to talk, and countless others sat there on their videos groaning and holding their ribs to alleviate the pain. And still, despite all of that, most didn't go to a doctor. One that did said that his binding was so tight that the muscles between his ribs was literally torn. That takes months (if not longer) to heal...

Yes, it's awkward to talk about and, yes, you probably think it'll just go away, but that kind of pain is serious and needs to be checked out. Breathing is very important.

Before you start binding, please read up on the risks of different types of binding tools. See which one will fit best with your lifestyle and make sure you get the right size for your body type. The Boyfriend admitted to me that He consciously got a size too small when He purchased the compression bra because He didn't think it would matter or hurt anything. It gave Him better results, so He didn't even think of the risks. Now we know not to ever do that again.

We have checked out safer binding options (such as the compression shirt) which offer pressure spread over a wider area. Hopefully this will be a good solution, but The Boyfriend doesn't plan on putting pressure on His ribs until they feel completely better. We don't want a repeat of this experience!

I hope everyone can stay safe and/or help their transgender friends stay safe. <3

April 5, 2011

Transgender Traveling

As some of you might know, The Boyfriend and I just got back from a week vacation in Texas to visit my family and get away from some of the stress and drama here in Michigan. The trip was wonderful! We had a lot of fun and we were busy the whole week, eating at different places and seeing my family.

While traveling, though, we noticed a few things that happened dealing with The Boyfriend being transgender. Most of them were... interesting.

Obviously, The Boyfriend had to get an airline ticket with His birthname on it so it would match His ID at security and such. It was a little disheartening to have to "act the part" for Him, but there wasn't a way around that. The Boyfriend has learned to deal with letting female pronouns slide when a person is only going off of His school ID or driver's license -- it's not their fault.

We started off flying out last Monday morning from the Michigan airport. The Boyfriend and I were a little nervous going through those x-ray scanners they now use in most airports, but it didn't look so bad as the people in front of us held their arms above their head, let the scanner circle their body once, step out, and have one of the guards pat their pockets before gathering their bags. I go up first, and after I'm scanned, the guard looks at me suspiciously and says "Okay, ma'am, I need to pat the back of your head."

...And she proceeds to pat down my bun, or my "hair poof" as The Boyfriend lovingly refers to it. Huh? I held in a laugh at my very suspicious poof and left to get my bags. As I turn around to see if The Boyfriend was having better luck, He hurried over with a horrified expression on His face. "I think they thought I was packing drugs in my chest!"

You see, The Boyfriend wears a compression bra similar to this:

Except not pink! A compression bra is like a sports bra. A good definition of compression bras and other devices like it can be found here. "The principle behind this is just like the principle behind the old Ace bandage: squish those things flat. This works well for smaller breasts and may be ideal for FTMs who want visual diminishment of breasts. Compression bras in larger sizes are also a good choice for MTFs with large chest measurements but smaller cup measurements. Compression styles tend to be a bit more forgiving in the band size, and will often have a bit of extra stretch around the ribcage."

Apparently, the x-ray machine couldn't see through the bra like a normal one, so the security officers believed it was just as suspicious as my hair poof. They gave a few quick pats to His chest area to make sure there were no weapons or drugs before ushering Him on. They did, however, give Him the option to do the pat-down in private since it wasn't on the back of His head, but he declined the offer. 

So, a warning to all FtMs using compression bras: You might want to wear a different one if you're going to be flying anytime soon.

Also, to any females: Take down the hair poof!

We finally reached Texas without incident. My mom knows about The Boyfriend's transition, and is 100% okay with it. She does slip up occasionally with the pronouns, but neither of us jump down people's throats about it when we know they're trying. There's a big difference between trying but messing up sometimes and just not caring. My uncle also knows The Boyfriend is transgender, and has really tried to get the name down right. He used His birthname once while we were visiting, but again, he was trying. The one thing I don't think my uncle understands is the pronoun part. He knows what being transgender means, but The Boyfriend and I don't believe he has connected "feeling like a boy" to "wanting to be called 'he' 'him' etc." My uncle is very supportive, though, and just wants the best for us. I think I'm going to mention it when we talk next just to help him understand, but it makes both of us feel good that he's trying his best with the name change to begin with.

While discussing this, The Boyfriend said something that made me giggle a bit. There's an age-limit to who He will be offended by if someone keeps referring to Him as a girl. If some nice old lady says "she," The Boyfriend doesn't feel the need to confuse her by correcting her pronouns until He looks more like a boy. He does have some delicate and feminine features, so He understands when people assume He's a boy sometimes and He doesn't want to go into a long, drawn-out conversation with older people they probably won't understand anyway. He also said, He understands language barriers. There are some people at His work that barely speak English, so the concept of His transition is a little lost in translation. Half the time, the people use the right name, but pronouns are a different story.

The Boyfriend also had to use His birthname one other time in Texas, because my mom was helping us set up new car insurance. We already found a good company and paid our first month's dues, but we just had a few more questions that she helped us with. I think it was most difficult for me, because I almost kept saying "him" and His male name which would have confused the crap out of the insurance person. Oops!

While in Dallas, we started discussing our plans for when our lease is up at the end of July. The special price we got for our apartment will be gone, our bills are going to go up because we're now paying for our own car insurance, and our job situations really aren't getting any better. The suggestion of moving to Dallas (which The Boyfriend and I had toyed around with secretly for a few weeks) was brought up. Close to where my mother lives there are more job opportunities, better priced apartments, wonderful community colleges and universities, etc. It's really something to think about -- getting a fresh start, distancing ourselves from hurtful things, but most of all, going someplace that is going to help us get farther in our job fields so we can have a better life. We're a bit... stuck where we are right now.

Nothing is set in stone right now, but we're taking some time to think over our options!

One perk of moving to Dallas that The Boyfriend is really looking into is the GEAR (Gender Education, Advocacy, & Resources) center located about twenty minutes from my mom's house. "GEAR is dedicated to empowering transgender men and women within the community through educational and social opportunities, outreach and medical services. GEAR focuses on increasing the well-being of all transgender people, their families and their friends."

Looking closer, it's a place that would offer doctor's appointments, hormone treatments, emotional support and more for transgender youth at prices they can afford. Knowing a lot of transgender people are young adults with college debts and more bills to pay, GEAR would give The Boyfriend more opportunities to transition while not going bankrupt.

After our full week in the south, The Boyfriend and I headed back for an early morning flight yesterday. We were dragging our feet and hiding our yawns in line at the Dallas airport, and one last thing caught our attention. Being seen as two "helpless" females, we were called up in line together to have our boarding passes and licenses checked and completely waved through the security line. We just had to pass through a small metal detector instead of the x-ray machine and pat-down crew. The Boyfriend grinned over at me and whispered "female privilege" while pointing to all of the burly men waiting in line to be scanned and patted.

The Boyfriend says He's going to miss the privileges that go along with being a girl sometimes. Silly boy!

We're back in Michigan safe and sound. Now we just need to catch up on our sleep!

March 22, 2011

Tact: Something People Need

Like I said on the blog's Facebook page, The Boyfriend got an amazing haircut! We're both really excited about it since it's one of the first times He really looks like He could pass before any hormone treatment.

The night after He got this cut, He went to work feeling very confident. Everyone was complimenting the look and saying how well it fit His face, so everything was going well. That was until (after a few minutes of conversation) a new coworker was questioning His gender. The Boyfriend simply said that He was a guy, and the coworker just blinked at Him and asked, "Oh, were you born that way?"

Without missing a beat, The Boyfriend replied "yes" and kept on working.

I can't tell you how proud I am that He would say that! While His body wasn't born male, He was.

Now, oiginally, this post was just going to be a short squeal session on how proud I was of The Boyfriend's response, but the more I kept thinking about the situation the angrier I got.

Who in the world does this person think he is that he believes it's okay to ask someone "Were you born that way?" Seriously, have you no tact? No respect? No common decency? Frankly, it's none of your damned business whether or not The Boyfriend was born a male, a female or a freaking dinosaur. What makes you think you have the right to ask something like that especially when you haven't spoken more then three sentences directly to Him?

This goes along with all of the other questions The Boyfriend has received over the past few months:

~"Will you grow a penis when you start hormones?"
~"How do you think God feels about your decision?"
~"Are you going to get surgery to lose your breasts and get a penis?"
~"Were you born this way?"

And more.

I'm sorry, but why the hell do you think you can just ask someone these questions? They are personal questions that are none of your business unless The Boyfriend chooses to include you in His decision making or thought-process. Just because this is something "taboo" and "interesting" people believe they have a right to stick their nose in places it doesn't belong.

Also, none of these people inquired if they could ask personal questions or not. Not one of them even thought they needed to make sure The Boyfriend was comfortable talking about these things (and most were even at work!) I am His girlfriend and even I think to ask whether or not I can talk about certain aspects of His transition with Him.

I asked The Boyfriend how He feels about the questions and He told me how uncomfortable they make Him. He is a private person already, and these questions are really just too much. He said they only one He's really okay with answering is when someone asks what gender He is -- He would rather them ask then guess and get it wrong. Anything else should be off-limits unless He specifically says He is open for any other type of inquiry.

Honestly, I don't think He even needs to reiterate this. That is common sense and tactfulness to me.

I realize that some of you may be scared that this is directed towards you in anyway, and it's not -- I promise. We have opened up the Formspring page as well as the FB page and the comments section here for any questions you have, because that is how The Boyfriend is more comfortable responding to such things. It's in His own time, and when He goes to look at potential questions/comments He has prepared Himself mentally to deal with it and think about it. No one is getting in His face when He's trying to work and asking inappropriate things when He hasn't given His okay to it.

I apologize for this being a ranting post, but this really got to me. I wish I could just stay up at His work all day and throw ketchup packets at the rude people.

I'm very, very serious...

March 4, 2011

Guest Post #2 - The Purpose of the Blog

Because of some stressful events that occurred today, The Boyfriend felt the need to write this small post in regards to the blog.
"A note about the purpose of this blog:
I’m sure this is something that most of you know already, but I felt the need to really clarify the purpose of why this is here. Casey started this blog as a way for her to get her feelings out about my transition, as it’s something that’s very stressful for her too, and to educate other people about the transition process and transgender awareness in general. We’ve heard from several people that reading this has helped them better understand the issues of being transgender, and that was what I had hoped people would get out of it. 
This blog was not started to speak badly of anyone, or make anyone look worse than they are. Things between me and certain members of my family are anything but good right now, but that’s unfortunately something that most transgender people end up dealing with during the coming out process. Neither Casey or I would ever purposely try to make someone look bad, and her posts have said nothing but the truth of what’s been going on. 
Sometimes the truth isn’t pretty, and it hurts, but it needs to be put out there. 
Anyone who tries to look into this blog as something that was meant to be hurtful or start trouble with them honestly needs to get over themselves. This is about me and Casey, and all the things we’re going through with this. This is also about the people close to us, as well as people that we don’t know personally, who are reading this to get a better understanding, or find someone to relate to. 
This is not about anything or anyone other than that, and anybody who has issue with what’s been said honestly needs to get over it. Both Casey and I have to deal with the family problems that my transition has caused nearly every day, and it’s become a huge part of our lives. We know we’re not the only ones who’ve gone through this, and there is absolutely no wrong in us sharing it with others, in hopes that it may help them. 
I’m very thankful for everyone who has followed the blog so far and showed their support. I know this isn’t much of an update, but after some bad things that happened today, I felt that I had to say these things to everyone. I’m glad that so many of you have been understanding about it."